“The other day I watched a taping of Sharon Stone on The Queen Latifah Show, and she brought up an interesting point. She spoke about the idea of how our culture cultivates desperate women. This rang so true for me for we all have suffered at the hands of desperation, especially in our relationships with men. Many of us have been taught to believe that how people treat us is a direct reflection of our self-worth so we become desperate about our looks, desperate about whether he is being faithful, we become desperate about being good enough. My journey towards “womaning up” has taught me that how someone treats you is a direct reflection of who THEY are and that I have to be responsible in feeling good about myself in order to create good feeling experiences. Once I took on this responsibility for myself, I no longer carried the weight of desperation in needing to be good enough.
It’s time to woman up and be rid of desperation with knowing that being good enough gives us the power to stand alone and to also choose wisely the people we decide to love, without the influence of desperation.”
J
I had to re-post this status from Jada Pinkett Smith’s Facebook page. It’s right on time in my life. I have recently come to the conclusion that I have based my Self-worth on my relationships. Constantly asking myself am I good enough daughter, sister, cousin, or friend? Sometimes, if these relationships are distressed I feel this need to fix it. Unless, the trust is gone..then the relationships will most likely be forever changed (upcoming post about this statement.) Either way, I carry other people’s views and opinions of me around..and boy are they heavy! I need to remember that I am my own person, and the opinions of others are not my definition. I am under no circumstances saying I don’t care about the people in life, and I’m going to start being a jerk! I’m saying that the only views of me that I’m going to worry about is God’s and my own. Before long, I may be a better woman for it. I am more that just a relative or a friend! I deserve to be loved for more than my excelling at being either of those two things. I deserve to be loved simply because I am a person. Perhaps, everyone needs to hear that..so, YOU ARE LOVED SIMPLY FOR BEING YOU ❤! I have never lived like I did not care what others think of me…I feel capable and free! What do you think of yourself? Before you ask anybody how they would describe you..what do you think? If you have a satisfying answer..that is beautiful! If you do not..that’s also beautiful, and we have some work to do. In Jada’s post the word desperation stuck out to me. I went through phases of this in life…in school at times for example. Needing that validation of being friends with certain people. For awhile I was friends with the people I considered cool, and it didn’t work out. They were cruel to people just because they could be. I couldn’t stand myself that way, so I went back to my friends whom I missed- the outsiders ;). That’s just one example for a thought someone’s approval or acceptance made me a better person. That has been the cycle of my life desperation for validation. Thank goodness, I interrupted the cycle by the time I got into serious romantic relationships. Notice, I said interrupted not ended the cycle. The interruption was caused by witnessing the dynamics of some romantic relationships growing up. Seeing women be so hurt by the men in their lives, but never hurt enough to leave. Somewhere during these times I decided I would never let a guy make me or break me. To have my emotions fluctuate based on some dude I was dating was unacceptable! So, eventually I was fine with being called the “Ice Queen”. Sure, I dated guys..but I never let anybody get too close. Until, someone melted me one day lol! You won’t believe what happened next…you know that unacceptable fluctuation of feelings based on guy I was dating. Lol, I know can’t believe that happened either. But now it’s just me again <3. It took a bit for me ship out the feelings of worthlessness..I mean the person I loved most..didn’t love me same anymore. Give me a break, if that doesn’t challenge your self-worth..what does?? Lol. I have ended my desperation for his validation, which allows me to discover my true SELF worth along the way :). Love Me Or Hate Me..You Won’t Make Me Or Break Me.
GirlUndefinedXo 